#and prove it. coward.

[sunnibits]

I’m sure this comes as a horrendous shock to everyone but I am once again thinking about fucking that old man

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[casualavocados]

Learn from who? Learn from you?

Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[jojolightningfingers]

i truly truly will never stop being tickled by how law's braincell count just plummets into the negatives whenever he's around luffy and kid SPECIFICALLY at the same time. like if it's one or the other he copes more or less just fine. kid's a shit-starter but he's predictable and easy (and fun) to rile up. luffy runs on baffling logic but he's fundamentally easy to get along with so long as you maintain your zen and understand that he usually doesn't MEAN to get under anybody's skin. separately they aggravate law in different ways. but when they're together kid's penchant for starting dickswinging contests (or inability to not take the bait of one) collides with luffy unhesitatingly answering with a one-up that no sane person would conceive of and what the hell is law supposed to do against THAT fuckin wombo combo. get left behind and called a bitch for it? not goddamn LIKELY!!

[hadesoftheladies]

”you’re biased against men!” but am I wrong?

[bietrofastimoff23]

In the book, the loyalty of the greens to each other was one of their best traits.

Aegon agreed to become king to protect his family, and demanded the coronation himself, without trying to escape. Helaena was crowned with her husband and had influence over him when she dissuaded him from the dangerous idea of attacking the DS. Aemond wanted his brother's crown, but he never thought of stealing it for himself. Daeron refused to believe in Aegon's death and even threw wine in the face of the man who offered him to take his brother's place on the throne. Alicent never showed pity for her enemies, wanting to bathe in the blood of her grandson's murderer's family, cursing rhay and devaluing the lives of strong bastards, and after Aegon's death, she even tried to kill the newly-made king first with her own hands and then with her granddaughter's hands.

but the show and the rumors around it disappoint me.

Helaena is not crowned and turns away from her husband in front of everyone, although she knows that this is their only chance to protect their children. according to the rumors, Aemond will allow the thought of betraying his brother. Daeron is still missing. and Alicent... there's not even anything to say, everything is too sad no matter how you look at it.

this is not a free interpretation or introduction of semitones. this is just a disrespectful letter out of fear that the green team will surpass the black team in the eyes of the audience. sad. very sad.

[megafart1]

Fiddauthor doodles

*leaves this politely on the floor and scurries away*

yeah. enjoy ^_^

[captainhysunstuff]

22 more images (with some saucy shenanigans and immature "seduction" tactics towards the end) below the cut:

Ryuk makes his grand return and is brought up to speed with Light and L's immoral union. The date seems pretty successful~.

Next (Mature)

Next (Super Abridged)

Previous

First

Master List

Transcript

[vintageseawitch]

i get this sick feeling that certain leftists, especially white leftists, who are abstaining from voting or voting third party & are still encouraging others to do the same while being the loudest at complaining about "vote shaming" 🙄 will be the type, if heaven forbid trump wins, to suddenly go silent on them being far left & will GLEEFULLY turn in their neighbors a la the 1940s if only to save themselves.

they've made it clear that only certain types of genocides count to them, they're ignoring actual Palestinians who are BEGGING people to vote for Harris, & they've been glossing over how trump is bibi netanyahu's preferred candidate because they need to focus really hard on punishingnthe black woman. these leftists are death cult accelerationists who are okay with fascism as long as it affects those who "deserve" it, such as citizens of the US & Ukraine & eventually the rest of Europe should trump win, NATO gets abandoned, & putin gets to do whatever the fuck he wants.

these leftists are vile. i don't care that you claim genocide is your hard line because i don't believe you. say as much as you want on your privileged soap box but i'm not seeing you go to prison for not paying your taxes because last i checked ALL of our taxes are funding this so like it or not you're just as complicit & your shiny slogan words won't be able to cancel that.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU'RE THE HERO YOU CLAIM TO BE. you will ABSOLUTELY throw neighbors, acquaintances, hell maybe even friends & family under the bus after a period of time in order to save your own skin & please the authoritarians in charge. you're a dangerous enemy.

you have no plans about how to handle a trump presidency & all i hear when y'all claim we're already in a fascist country is you saying that without facing any consequences & you being too stupid to miss the irony. you don't know what that word means & you just want to see this country burn while conveniently forgetting you'll be burned right along with thr rest of us. it's stupidly short-sighted. you're hardly a revolutionary if you're so inclined to suicide. please be for fucking real.

[belliesandburps]

Would you be willing to do dialogue for Epel?

(Surprisingly, I got quite a few Epel requests, so I'm gonna blend them all into this one like Ruggie and Jack.)

Burping in public (Around dormmates)

(blushes and covers mouth) "Ah...! E-Excuse me...!!"

(goes wide-eyed and clamps mouth shut) "......S-S-Sorry, dorm leader..."

(smiles nervously) "...T-That was because of a potion, I swear..."

(covers his mouth) "Oh, g-goodness! Pardon me, that was...(feels another burp coming, but swallows it down and grimaces)...mph...(palms his chest)...p-pardon me..."

(pushes a fist to his mouth) "Mph, sorry...my stomach has been bothering me all day..."

(looks around nervously) "...You won't tell Vil about that, right...?"

Burping in public (Around friends)

"Whew! (pats his stomach) That was a GOOD one!"

"Oof! Sweet tarnation! They ain't gettin' any quieter, haha!"

"Damn, that felt good!"

(grins) "Let's see ya top THAT!"

Woooo boy... (rubs his stomach) Ah may'uh wolfed down mah lunch a lil too dang fast, heh..."

"Pfft, that was weak, hol' up... (gulps down more and more air until he can't take anymore, then lets out a MUCH louder and longer belch that ends with him sighing) Haaaaaahhhhh...whew...THAT'S more like it..."

Burping for the first time around friends

(grins) "What? Didn't think I could let a monster like that rip?"

"Hehe, I know, 'so dainty and proper, probably doesn't even KNOW how to burp,' right?"

(smirks and daintily covers his mouth) "Hehe, ex-CUSE me...where'd my manners go all'uh the sudden?"

(sighs boorishly and pats his belly shamelessly) "Haaaahhhh...WHEW! Heh, sorry 'bout-uUrp-that, mph...shouldn't'uh had lunch before studyin' with Vil. Ah been stuck 'round him fer hours so I had t'hold that one in all dang day..."

(smirks cockily) "Pfft, that was nothin'. Check THIS out...(takes in several gulps of air, puts his hand on his stomach as it fills up with the excess air, then pushes down firmly and lets rip a HUGE burp, before sighing with relief and patting his belly)"

(grins and folds his arms behind his head carefree) "Heh, pretty loud, ain't they? Back home, I could out-burp anybody foolhardy 'nuff t'try and take me on...(grins more impishly)...still can..."

Burping after chugging a soda

"Oof...oh man, think ah done guzzled that one a lil fast...OOOOUUUUURRRRRP!!!! Guhhh..."

"Gaaaahhh...haha! Did y'all HEAR that?! Hot DAMN!"

(blushes and smile sheepishly) "H-Heh, s'cuse me...guess ah was kinda thirsty..."

"Woo dang...! (rubs his stomach firmly) So bubbly...bruUuUuUuph...BWWWOOOOURRRAAAAAAAPH!!!!! Phew...! (pats his belly)"

"Haahhh...(palms his chest) That's the stuff right there..."

(grins cheekily) "Hehe, imagine if VIL heard that one...(smile dips)...actually, let's not..."

Burping after stuffing himself

"Gruuuoooohhhh man...(rubs his bulging belly up and down)...feels like ah'm gonna BURST..."

"Haaahhh...(pats his rounded gut contently)...ain't had pies that good in ages..."

"Whew...that was a biggun, ain't it...(gropes his overstuffed middle and gives it a light jostle)...an' right now, so am I, heh..."

(huffs and hits his chest to knock loose another fierce burp) "Gaahhhh...sorry, when I'm THIS dang bloated, all that there gas gets kinda stuck..."

(sighs contently and holds his belly with both hands) "Haaaahhhhhh...felt my gut shake like crazy with that one..."

(gives a hiccup and a dainty afterburp before flopping onto his back; his large belly jutting up over him) "...Urgh...s-so...dang...ffFUUUUUUUULL...!!!"

Burping to kink-tease

"Ah, heh, s'cuse me...ain't very gentlemanly, huh?"

(smirks) "Hehe, ya like that? Don'tchu worry...(rubs his stomach teasingly)...loooooots more where that came from..."

"Pfft, that gets yer goat goin', does it? Well, good thing fer you that I'm a burpin' machine, hehe."

"You want bigger? (grins cockily) Ya came t'the right guy...(swallows more and more air, holding his stomach as it fills up with the excess oxygen, and then grips it tightly as a MASSIVE belch blasts past his maw and leaves him moaning)...hhhhhaaaaaaaahhhh...toldja I'm the champ."

"Hehe, sorry, did that rile ya up a lil too much? (quickly gulps down a sharp but single gulp of air and immediately burps it back up) There, that was smaller, so it oughta be easier fer ya, right?"

"Ahhhh, hehe...y'know, I dunno what I love more. Burpin' or watchin' you get all hot'n bothered every time I do..."

Nauseous burps

(quickly covers mouth) "Urrf...oOohh, that one hurt..."

(holds his churning stomach) "...Guhh...sorry, dorm leadeEUurp!! (quickly covers mouth) Oh no..."

(clamps mouth shut and burps heavily behind his fist) "Mph...ohhhh man...(rubs his belly slowly)...my gut's burblin' like grandma's gumbo..."

(rubs his stomach up and down) "Urgh...there's so much gas in my gut...(swallows down air)...BRRRAAAAAAAPH!!! Guh...BLLUUUUUOOORRRRUUUP!!!! Ugh...just keeps comin'..."

(slumps forward and clutches his knees) "...Uuuuugh...hoooo man...ah feel another burp just brewin' but...definitely feel somethin' else brewin' too..."

(goes green and covers his mouth) "...Mph...somethin' definitely came up with that one...hrrrMMMmph! BBBRRRRRMMMPH!!! (hugs his stomach and goes wide-eyed as he rushes to the bathroom)"

[specialagentartemis]

The Murderbot Diaries and Terminator: Dark Fate: What Does a Killer Robot WANT, Anyway?

The Terminator (1984) is probably the most famous killer robot in media, setting the image for a what a killer robot is.  It’s shaped like a bodybuilder, weapons built into its metal skeleton, eyes hidden behind cool and impersonal sunglasses, a threateningly “foreign” accent, and no feelings, no remorse, and no desires besides killing its target.  Kyle Reese describes it to Sarah Connor bluntly: “That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead!”  And the film supports this wholeheartedly.  We get a few scenes from the Terminator’s perspective, and they do not really indicate that it has much in the way of personality or free will.  It’s scary because it is a ruthlessly efficient, tireless, and analytical machine built to kill.  It will not stop until its target is dead, or it is.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) gives us a nice Terminator, a Terminator captured from its controlling Skynet and re-programmed to help Sarah and John Connor rather than hunt them.  This Terminator gives slightly more suggestions that it has a personality of its own, but ultimately it is still now ruthlessly efficient, tireless, and analytical in protecting its charges, but it still dies at the end in the course of fulfilling its objective.  It was, after all, programmed by the human rebels to protect John Connor, and it did.

Did the Terminator want any of that?  The second film halfheartedly cares a little, and the first film certainly did not at all.  It’s an irrelevant question.  It’s a robot; it’s incapable of truly wanting anything, it just does as it’s programmed.  It fulfills its objective.

In modern sci-fi, that’s not really a satisfying answer anymore.  It looks like a human, has human organic parts built into it, and it clearly has the ability to process large amounts of information and make complex and reasoned decisions.  Why do we write it off so thoroughly?  Does a Terminator like what it does?  Would it choose this?  What does a Terminator want?

The Murderbot Diaries (2017-present) by Martha Wells isn’t a direct answer to this question, but it sure is considering it.

The titular Murderbot is very similar to the Terminator: a human-form cyborg, a robot with human organic parts built in, a machine with guns in its arms made to do a job and that job being to protect and/or oppress humans.  But as a thinking, feeling, complex entity, it has opinions about that job.

You know what else is a clear response to early Terminator movies’ fundamental uninterest in the Terminator’s inner life and personal opinions on things?  Later Terminator movies.  Specifically Terminator: Dark Fate (2019).

The fact that The Murderbot Diaries and Dark Fate came out at roughly the same time, in the same sci-fi AI-story zeitgeist, looking back critically at the 80’s and early 90’s Terminator and asking, well, what would it do if it didn’t have to murder, who would it be if it had the choice, is telling.

The Murderbot Diaries stars Murderbot, a SecurityUnit owned by a callously greedy and corner-cutting company that uses such SecUnits ostensibly to protect but in reality to intimidate, control, and surveil human clients.  It calls itself “Murderbot” and all SecUnits as a whole “murderbots” for a reason.  The world of the books sees SecUnits as mindless killer robots kept in check by their programming, in a very similar way that the Terminator was presented in 1984. We see the story from Murderbot’s point of view: it’s snarky, depressed, anxious, bitter, funny, and very opinionated.  It also really, really hates intimidating, controlling, and surveilling people, and it specifically broke its own programming meant to keep it compliant so it wouldn’t have to hurt people.  Instead, it wants to half-ass its job and watch soap operas… but it’s sympathetic to humans in danger despite itself, and when it chooses humans it cares about, it will go to great lengths (ruthless, but very tired and full of fear and pity) to protect them.  What does it want?  To be given space; to not be given orders; to have the ability to take its time and watch its shows and determine what its job as Security means to it.

Terminator: Dark Fate takes a different tack.  (It’s actually about three badass women and I’m very sorry for focusing on the man-like character here BUT) Dark Fate presents an alternate timeline off the main series, where the Terminator succeeded in killing young John Connor.  Previously, we had seen Terminators that would not stop until they were dead; this one fulfills Reese’s other warning.  It will not stop until John Connor is dead.  Well…. it succeeded.  John Connor is dead.

Now what?

In the opening scene, we see this from his mother Sarah Connor’s perspective.  The Terminator appears out of time, ambushes and kills young John Connor, and then stands there looking impassively at the destruction it wrought while Sarah screams.

It looks cold and satisfied when that scene is first presented.  But when we see it again from the Terminator’s perspective, it seems to just stand there, staring stupidly, suddenly with no direction in life.  It fulfilled its objective.  It followed its programming.  Now it has no more objective, can receive no more orders, and its programming has nothing more to tell it to do.  It eventually disappears into the woods, learns more about humanity, grows a conscience, lives in a little cabin with a woman and her son fleeing an abusive husband in an apparently mutually very supportive relationship, chops wood, drives a truck, and gives Sarah Connor insider information to allow her to track down other incoming Terminators as a way of atonement.  It does have remorse, if given time to think for itself and realize it.  It doesn’t really want to hurt people, and even, similar to Murderbot, has a drive to use its strength and intimidating-ness to protect the people it chooses.  It mostly wants to be quietly and safely left alone.

Both the Terminator and Murderbot are killer robots left adrift, aimless, reeling, suddenly having to decide for themselves what to do with their lives for the first time.  Both are stories that circle back to the original Terminator premise and say, okay, but that killer robot isn’t killing for the sheer thrill of it, it was forced into doing that by a top-down authority in control of its programming.  That would kind of fuck someone up, actually.  It’s a hopeful narrative: these things are people, and they don’t want to be hurting other people.  When given the option, they just want to rest, make amends, understand the truth, find a place they belong, and see the people they care about safe.  And I think it’s fascinating that not only is smaller, literary sci-fi asking this question and telling this story, but so is the Terminator franchise itself.

We also just as blatantly see the evolution of Sarah Connor as a character.  In The Terminator (1984) the Terminator is sent to kill Sarah Connor.  When I was watching it recently with some friends who had never seen it before, they guessed—almost correctly—“oh, it’s because she’s the rebel leader in the future!”  Sorry guys, this is a 1980s mainstream sci-fi blockbuster.  Her as-yet unborn son is going to be the rebel leader.  That’s why the robots in the future need to kill her, before she gives birth to the hero of the humans.  Blech, I know. 

Over the course of the movie, though, she becomes tough, fierce, and brave, the type who can and will survive the apocalypse; in future movies and tv series (like The Sarah Connor Chronicles, 2008, where she gets to be the eponymous title character this time!), she gets to be a strong leader in her own right.  This is particularly true in Terminator: Dark Fate, where Sarah Connor is a tough, grizzled, middle-aged Terminator-fighter, who steals heavy weaponry from the government to track down and kill Terminators arriving from the future.  She becomes a mentor to the new woman being hunted down by the new Terminator threat, Dani Ramos.  This time, though, Dani isn’t fated to be the mother of the human rebel leader—she is destined to become the human rebel leader herself.  Along with Dani’s own Kyle Reese figure, a cybernetically-augmented human fighter from the future named Grace, women get central action-hero and rebel-leader roles in Terminator: Dark Fate, feeling like an awkward apology for the sexism inherent in the premise of 1984’s The Terminator.  (However, Dark Fate stops short of committing to the Dani-Sarah/Grace-Reese parallel and letting them be lesbians.  It’s still a mainstream action movie, I guess.)  We even see the development of a curt but resentfully respectful understanding between Sarah Connor and the Terminator that killed her son.

I lay this out because in the same way I see the literary DNA of the Terminator in Murderbot, I see elements of Sarah Connor in Dr. Mensah.  She’s the human protagonist—the one who would be the protagonist if All Systems Red had been from the human perspective—and feels like the answer to a similar question to “what does a killer robot want?”, namely, “what if, instead of enemies locked into battle to the death, the badass human and the killer robot worked together and came to an understanding? What if they could be friends instead of enemies?”  Mensah also feels like a feminist response to some of the issues I had with Sarah Connor—that she didn’t get to be the leader herself, that despite her own strength and tenacity being the mother to the leader was the most important thing she would do—and responds to them in a similar way that Dark Fate somewhat apologetically does. Mensah is the leader of her society (her planet).  Mensah is a mother and she is a scientist and a leader and gets her badass action-hero moments (MINING DRILL).  She is the first to reach out to Murderbot.  To ask it how it feels, and calm down the others later when they’re afraid; her relationship with Murderbot is unique.  She’s a foil to Murderbot in a parallel but opposite way that Sarah Connor is a foil to the Terminator.  And while in Dark Fate they are not friends (the Terminator did still kill Sarah’s son, even if it didn’t specifically want to) we see the same kind of desire reflected: what if they were at least allies?  What if they were working together?  How would that relationship go?  What kind of understanding could they come to, about what it means to be human and to be machine? It's a smaller part of the movie and they don't give a whole lot of answers, but it's there.

Both All Systems Red (and the subsequent Murderbot Diaries books) and Terminator: Dark Fate were released in a very different sci-fi zeitgeist than The Terminator was.  They’re both looking back, and reacting to it: Dark Fate directly, The Murderbot Diaries indirectly.  And they’re approaching the concept of the Terminator and its Sarah Connor figure with similar questions: What does the robot want, aside from its programming to kill, and if it could be freed of its programming to kill, what kind of relationships—with society, with the concept of self-determination, and with its human woman foil—could it potentially be able to develop, with that freedom?

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

I firmly believe that Damian was Jon’s gay awakening especially the panel when he becomes superboy red and blue and they are both like “wow Damian is so cool” and “hey! He was my best friend first!” And they start fighting over him

Thats so cute! I haven’t gotten around to reading Adventures yet haha.

Personally though, I think there was always a bit of ‘oh he’s been a hero longer than me that’s so cool. The Bats are SO COOL.’ Vibe to Jon in the beginning?

But I think when Damian fought future!Tim Drake for Jon’s life is when Jon’s brain went ‘oh, he’s cool AND kind.’ And that’s what led to the eventual ‘oh no he’s hot??? Oh wait, I’m BI?????? Wow how surprising!’

I also hc that his damian-crush-bi awakening came with Damian’s costume change. The leading lines of his new legging pants DID something to that horny super teen, let’s be honest.

And then repressed his crush on Damian by dating Jay.

[flashbastardsramblings]

Anne Bonny and Mary Read are what Eve and Villanelle could have been and should have been if the writers didn't HATE us.

[reedeemable]

I love reed900 where Gavin is doing something stupid and somehow manages to rope Nines into doing that stupid thing with him.

[floofeeeeee]

Rereading everblaze has been so interesting and I could talk about it for so long but I’m goin to talk about this specific part that had me SOBBING when I first read it (and again the SECOND time I’ve read but for a different reason)

And this is also a reason to complain about the council (I hate them all) (yes ALL of them)

Tw mentions of eating disorders and suicide 



“Instead, all we find is wrong." He turned to stare at Sophie, making it clear he included her in that wrongness,”

I want to talk about this part first before the rest because I find it really interesting. (And because the other parts will be longer) It’s clear to me that the cancel is afraid of Sophie in some kind of way they find her threatening even though she’s proven all she wants to do is help. They’re scared because they know her existence threatens there’s she’s the savior that’s supposed to fix’s the wrongs of their world.their wrongs they know there’s another group out there they know that’s the group that kidnapped Sophie and Dex but instead they fixated oh the black swan because to them it threateners there power and control. they feel the need to keep Sophie under control they need to keep her under their control.

“Sophie foster is not normal.” She closed her eyes as the words rattled around her mind”

This part comes a bit before the first one but that’s because I knew I wanted to talk more about this specifically it hits heard for a couple of reasons I’ll get into.

Gosh…. This part man :( ok let’s start with the fact that the lost cities was a place that was supposed to be where she belong it was supposed to make her feel normal and safe but instead she met with same kind of hate that she got from the humans. Sophie to me feels like a fallen gifted kid someone who was able to get to the top of her class now at the bottom and shamed for it. It wasn’t her fault that she could read minds as a kid and not know how to stop them it wasn’t her fault that she never grew up in the lost cities to learn the ruins everyone grew up learning. And yet they still shame her, for not being normal not being like them because she grew up with humans because she some kind of lab rat someone that’ll hurt there kids and them

They never see her for the child that she is the smart brave funny individual who’s saved their lives more then once no. Because she not normal. she doesn’t act right

As someone who neurodivergent this hits really hard I was constantly told when I was younger by my peers that I was weird. And I’m sure most people who are neurodivergent have a similar experience of being treated differently just because you’re not normal.. 

 “She closed her eyes as the words rattled around her mind”

For so long she been called not normal by almost everyone around her her human mother (even if she never said it to her face) her classmates in school and her classmates now In The place she was told was perfect and safe and were she belong.

GOSH I JUST WANT TO GRAB THEM AND THROW THEM AT THE SUN DIE

She deserves to live a happy life for once :(

“It wasn't until he raised it over her head that she realized what was happening.”

“Two of the Council's bodyguards rushed to her sides, holding her in place as Councillor Emery clamped” the silver band around her forehead.

“The circlet was Dex's telepathy restrictor.”

“The Council was trying to take away her abilities.”

This part makes me sick SICK this was the part that I cried at when I first read it. The realization of what was happening to her felt like I was being hit by a truck. The fact that the council had there bodyguards hold her In Place …… UGHHHHHGGH I want to fall them to in a ditch I swear. they were trying to make her talentless in a weird fucj up way to control her if wasn’t for the fact that her powers are so strong they would’ve forcefully made her disabled. Because that’s what talentless elf’s are to them. It’s how they treat them. It’s how they treat Dexs dad it’s how they treated Brant

I can’t imagine the horror and fear Sophie felt in that moment they had other options but no the reason they chose this one is because they knew it was the best way to keep her under control.

“She knew it was slumberberry tea even before she saw the purple color, and she drank it gladly, downing the whole thing and hoping it knocked her out for a few years—decades-the rest of eternity.”

How do you fuck up so badly that you get a girl WHO REFUSES to drink any kinda of sleeping drug do to the trauma of being kidnapped and drugged against her will. To DOWN like ten of them because of the pain and trauma you’ve brought her.

HOW CAN YOU CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW F UP THAT IS

“Edaline tried to get her to eat something, but she wasn’t hungry”

“All she wanted was more tea.”

I’m thinking back to this post I saw were someone mentioned that Sophie shows a lot of signs of eating disorders. And here it pretty prevalent. Her avoiding eating and avoiding the waking world to me in way makes me think she could be suicidal. She obviously depressed and ashamed. She feels like she should be disowned by her friends and family because she useless now. Or well in her eyes she is. 

“begging begging begging her to wake.”

“So she dove deeper into her drug-induced haze, wishing she could find her way back to the nook in her mind and stay there forever. She'd been happy there.”

“Safe.”

This is where I see it most. All she wants to do is hide in this drug-induced haze, wanting to go back to the nook in her head were she felt Saft warm and happy. But once the drug wears off she back in the living full of a pain and heartache. Where she feels utterly useless and broken. All she want to do is be happy. But because the council are all absolute idiots they decided to make her life a living hell!!! I’ll still never forgive Bronte for inflicting her In Exil still one of the most F up things he’s done.

Anyways I’m tired and if I try to write more it might not come across right oop just know I hate the council !!!

Thanks for reading my nonsense I hope I made sense or a least made a good analysis :D